My Awesome Christmas Wish List:
I want Miley Cyrus banned from television until she learns to act like a lady.
I want Duck Dynasty pulled off the air until the entire cast renounces its religious beliefs.
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I want Barack Obama to apologize for shaking the hand of Fidel Castro's brother (it wasn't a spur of the moment thing...the President was clearly endorsing Communist dictatorships).
I want Martin Bashir sent back to Europe.
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I want Alec Baldwin sent to Gitmo.
I want law enforcement to stop targeting criminals (no one group deserves to be subjected to government scrutiny).
I want sugary drinks banned.
I want McDonald's banned (wake up people, its menu commits murder).
I want the Notre Dame “Fighting Irish” to become the Notre Dame “Thoughtful Irish.”
I want Notre Dame's leprechaun mascot replaced with a likeness of Bono (hello people, let's stop insulting the Irish!).
I want all Americans to apologize for their carbon footprints.
I want all college educated people to apologize to their former professors for some way, somehow, insulting someone somewhere while in class (your professors will happily explain your transgressions).
I want every six year old who even imagines playing with a toy gun expelled from school.
I want everyone to enjoy Christmas, lest we become a nation of overly-sensitive, sneering, tisky, sniveling, paranoid whiners.
Goodness knows, we don't want that.
